The Hidden Superpower of Separation
In which we dig deeper into what creative leadership means and how it can be perceived by different stages of adult development.
I have had the pleasure of operating under and in rather close proximity with leadership of truly world-scale caliber during my career. People that shaped the information technology industry to what it is today. I’ve been asking myself what it was that made them stand out to me. That inspired me and my loyalty. That made me look up to them.
Certainly they were smart, but intelligence was not the distinguishing factor as they thrived in being surrounded by people with greater intelligence and skill.
Certainly they were confident, but not in a “I know I’m right” kind of way. In fact, they almost never operated like they knew they were right. It doesn’t feel like confidence, it feels like something else, more similar to fearlessness.
For many years, I watched them in awe, enchanted by such fearlessness, attracted to it like a moth to a flame. I also watched them hit walls at high speed, smashing into them, only for them to get up, dust off and announce “oh wow, look at that! there is a wall here… but now we know it’s made of bricks! Who knew!” while all I could think about, covered with dust and bruises was “f**k me, I will never go this fast again, too painful”.
I have operated under the impression that these people were different. Their wiring was different. Like the guy in “Free Solo” that appears to have an under-developed sense of fear with some neurological components. I can watch them operate, but I could never do what they do if my wiring is different.
This was before learning about adult development theory and the idea that separation between what we perceive we are (subject) and what we perceive we have (object) is a developmental trait (an emergent property) not a form for neurological wiring (an embedded property).
Reframed with that model, their fearlessness can be interpreted as not being a consequence of neural wiring (their subject) but as a consequence of having achieved separation between the value of their agency (what they did) and the value of their self (who they are).
A person that has achieved cognitive separation between their perceived value of their effect on their environment and their perceived value of their selves will be perceived as “fearless” by those that have not achieved such separation.
But crucially, to them, it is not lack of fear. They are still scared of failure, maybe even more than many given their increased potential motion, but they act on it differently because their self is isolated from their failure. To those without separation, it looks like a suicidal solo climb. To them, it feels like controlling a robotic drone doing the climb. Their self is safely on the ground while only their agency is risking the fall of defeat.
Framing leadership this way suggests that it is an emergent property and it is not an innate trait. If this is true, it means that it can be learned, it can be honed, it can be improved over time with dedication, patience, coaching and practice.
Another thing this suggests me is that leadership as separation has less to do with fearlessness or delusion of grandeur or “reality distortion fields” and more to do with projecting safety. I found myself attracted to those acting this way the same way I find myself attracted to masters of crafts that I aspire to learn. But the crucial difference here is that often my livelihood (salary, career, output, agency) is shaped and influenced by their behavior.
That combination is significant because it intertwines leadership with safety. It appears to tell this story: “since I have not achieved separation and bad outcomes will damage me, I am inspired by the presence of somebody that I feel it will reduce the chance of bad outcomes, because it is acting in ways I can’t property conceive because of the reduction of emotional movement caused by my lack of separation.”
Obviously, this story makes sense only after we have achieved separation. Before, such leadership get flattened to something we perceive as graceful, thoughtful, fearless, invulnerable, inspiring. This is only a lower-dimensional projection of a higher dimensional behavior of somebody that might actually be extremely scared and concerned of outcomes, even when they are not at all concerned of how the negative outcomes might cause them loss of status, money, prestige or power but they are certain it would not effect their own sense of self-worth.
Does it mean I have achieved such separation myself because I can tell that story? I honestly don’t know. I do feel different about risks and negative outcomes though and I feel much more empathetic toward those that lead while potentially terrified of negative outcomes and as a result hold on to the steering wheel with white knuckles, scaring all their passengers with their jerky, overcorrecting driving style.
But how do we promote such separation? How do we coach people into separating? This seems to be the most important question facing us these days.